Brotherly Love: Try
by Akiko Keeper of Sheep
Summary: Leo has a system. All of his brothers obey it, whether they know it or not. So what happens when Mikey starts to buck the system? Part Two of the Brotherly Love series. COMPLETE! HUZZAH!
1. Cold As Ice

Try

:::

Chapter One: Cold As Ice

:::

by: Akiko, Keeper of Sheep

::::::::::

Leo sighed, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the short wall that ran along the rooftop. Lights of all colors winked at him, as though enticing him to come enjoy their promise and pleasure.

Right.

He didn't generally brood on rooftops. Fifteen was a little young to be developing a heart condition. Still, with all the criminal activity lately, not to mention all the family drama, the broody thing was starting to become a routine.

The presence beside him was becoming more and more familiar, as well. Not that he wasn't aquainted with the turtle that leaned with his shell against the wall, back turned almost symbolically to the wicked glare of the city. It just seemed that Mikey had made it his personal mission to accompany Leo on any topside excursion that was designated as 'Brooding Time'.

They stood in silence, every time, until Mikey would break down and make some off-the-wall comment. It would slice through Leo's ponderings of the sinfulness of mankind, dispelling all dark thoughts with one well-timed grin, bright as any of the artificial lights below.

This time it took only fifteen minutes before the smaller turtle spoke.

"If you don't want to hang out with me, you don't have to."

Leo looked over at his little brother, confused. "When did I say I didn't want to hang out with you?"

The blue-eyed turtle rolled said eyes. "You never _say_ anything. It's like hanging out with a brick wall."

Which kind of hurt, Leo thought. He had never been very verbose, but Mikey knew that. What was he expecting, a monologue?

"I didn't think there was anything to say," he murmured, looking out over the deceptively innocent twinkle of city lights again. He felt Mikey shift beside him, heard him sigh.

"No," the despondant response came. "I guess not."

And for some reason, that hurt even more.

:::

Mikey wasn't speaking.

Well, that wasn't quite true. To be more precise, Mikey wasn't speaking to Leo.

It bothered him, more than he'd ever care to admit. Sure, they'd rarely had a deep, meaningful conversation, but Mikey had always run to the eldest turtle with questions, fears, odd little ponderings. They had always been like that. Leo would be the silent protector, and Mikey would poke and prod at him until he smiled. It was the system. It worked.

Mikey was not obeying the system. He was defying the natural order of things.

It _bothered_ Leo.

So when Donnie had asked why Leo was trying to sharpen the wrong edge of his sword, the blue-bedecked brother had procceeded to explain the system to Donnie, and everything had poured out.

And now Donnie wouldn't stop smirking, which just made things worse.

Without waiting for Donnie to say anything, Leo had left. He'd left the room, left the lair, left the sewers.

And damned if Mikey hadn't followed him.

They stood, side-by-side, on the roof of an apartment building. New York City spread out before them, glittering jewel-bright. Leo felt a curl of disgust in his stomach. It was wrong, the whole city. The few good parts were being eaten away by the festering evil of the heart of the place. It was diseased, rotting from the inside out.

And yet, as the moon shifted slowly above them, Leo found himself brooding less and less over the state of his hometown and more over the fact that Mikey had yet to speak. Even here, now, Mikey was determinedly sticking to his vow of silence. He wanted to scream, to beg his brother to say something, anything.

With a sigh, he turned his back on the city and began to lead Mikey home.

:::

He was trying to tell Leo something.

The swordsturtle groaned to himself as he rolled over onto his stomach, burying his face in his pillow. It had been days since Mikey had spoken to him last, and it had ceased to bother Leo. Now it was driving him up the wall.

He knew Mikey was trying to get some message across. What was it? That Leo had gotten what he'd asked for? That Leo was an asshole?

No, everyone knew that one.

If his goal had been to show Leo how very irritating he himself could be, he was succeeding. It wasn't just the talking. Leo had become aware of an even more disturbing change in his baby brother. Mikey was now closing himself off from Leo.

Though he acted just as outgoing and carefree as always with the rest of the family, around Leo he had adopted a sort of poker face. He was...blank. It was more than disturbing, it was wrong. Mikey should never, ever look like Leo.

Hugging his pillow, Leo muffled another groan. This was his fault. He wasn't sure what he'd said or done to start this, but he knew he was the guilty one. And now he had to figure out how to fix it before he lost his brother for good.

:::

Dinner was awkward now. Instead of joking and laughing and arguing, there was silence and averted eyes.

Donnie and Raph were noticably trying to keep spirits and energy up. Neither was very good at it. Splinter just gazed from turtle to turtle, obviously knowing (as always) precisely what the problem was and hoping his sons would be wise enough to figure it out.

Yeah. Thanks for the help, sensei, Leo thought bitterly.

He watched Mikey out of the corner of his eyes. The youngest turtle was eating methodically, not looking up and not speaking at all. His posture was stiff and rediculously proper, the way Leo had been exaspiratedly attempting to make him sit for years. It was like his brother had been replaced by a mindless zombie.

And if Mikey was throwing his own behavior back at him...what did that say about Leo?

"I'm done," Leo muttered, tossing his utensils down and shoving his chair back so hard it made a horrible noise against the tile.

His brothers looked up, startled at the sullen tone and abrupt movements. Without looking at Mikey, Leo trudged towards the dojo.

Once inside, he stood for a moment, contemplating. Brown eyes roved over the assorted weapons lazily. And for the first time in his life, Leo couldn't muster up the strength or will to train.

Turning back around, he left to dojo and barrelled past a startled Raphael to disappear into his room.

He wondered vaguely if he could just hide under the bed until this all blew over.

He was such a coward.

::::::::::

A/N - And now it's Leo and Mikey's turn! I'll bet they're thrilled! Set of turtle plushies if anyone can figure out what Mikey's game is! Hinthint - it's not drug abuse!

For those of you who know me and my sister, that's pretty big news.

Once again, this takes place a few months before the turtles meet April. If all goes well, I might do a few fics that cover the movies in BL-verse. Depends on how my exam goes.

Review, review, review! Or I shall smite thee!

Peace! (--)


	2. Head Games

Try

:::

Chapter Two: Head Games

:::

By: Akiko, Keeper of Sheep

::::::::::

A month had passed, and Leo was certain that if things didn't change, he was going to kill something.

Mikey was taking this game of his to a whole new level of irritating. He had started putting more effort into his training, which wouldn't have bothered Leo so much if the younger turtle hadn't been attacking every kata and sparring match with a single-minded determination that bordered on the obsessive. His usually upbeat brother was turning himself into a precision killer, and that, more than anything, frightened Leo.

Mikey was not like Leo or Raph, or even Donnie. Their pacifistic brother abhorred violence, but his rational mind wouldn't allow him to escape the necessity of it. Mikey had no such limitations on his soft heart, and the boy practically bled compassion. It wasn't uncommon for Leo to end up with an armful of sobbing turtle on the nights that ended…well, _badly_. He hadn't minded; it was nice, he supposed, that at least one of the Hamato boys still let his conscience affect him. It gave Leo hope.

And now Mikey was taking it a step further, opting to use his free time to train. It had almost gotten to the point where Mikey spent more time in the dojo than Leo did. The arcade games were growing cobwebs, for crying out loud! It was just wrong, and Leo had no idea how to fix it.

:::

Leo did not like the looks Raph had been giving him lately. It wasn't that they offended or angered Leo. They just made him very, very nervous.

So it was with some trepidation that Leo agreed to accompany Raph on a food run topside. He knew that Raph hadn't invited him along because he wanted to try for some male bonding time. Leo privately thought that the sooner they got this over with, the better - he was tired of the prickly being-watched feeling he got whenever Raph would level those solemn stares at him.

They only made it as far as the roof of the apartment building two blocks away when Leo's highly-tuned senses told him to brace himself. By the time he'd cleared the stars from his vision and reminded himself not to draw his swords against his brother, Raph was sitting on his knees. Crossing his arms over his plastron and leveling a smoldering glare at his older brother, Raph huffed out a sigh.

"I dunno what's goin' on with you two, but whatever it is, fix it."

"Gee, Raph," Leo drawled, crossing his own arms and pretending he didn't look like a pouting four-year-old, "I hadn't thought of trying to fix things. What a super idea."

"Damn it, Leo!" Raph rolled off his legs and stomped a few feet away, growling. Leo didn't move beyond moving into a kneeling position. He knew Raph was putting distance between them to prevent himself from using violence to abate his anger. Though Leo usually didn't allow his brother that space, wanting to train the hot-headed turtle to control his anger completely, this time he was willing to compromise. He wanted answers, after all, not a brawl.

Alternatively, in his current mood of culpability, he wasn't altogether certain he'd have the will to defend himself. Raph would feel terrible if he accidentally killed Leo because the older brother refused to fight back.

Probably.

So, as Raph cooled down, Leo quietly explained what had been going on. By the time he was finished, Raph had his back to Leo, his frame free of tension. The swordsturtle was under the distinct impression that Raph was wearing a very amused expression.

Sometimes Raph and Donnie were far too alike for Leo's peace of mind.

:::

He was seriously regretting letting either Don or Raph in on his predicament. The mated pair had taken to murmuring in corners, casting searching glances at Leo and Mikey, and (worst of all) sharing bemused looks over the dinner table.

All attempts to ease the tension in the lair had stopped. Apparently, whatever it was that Splinter had known about Mikey's behavior, the two middle brothers had discovered, as well. They, like their father, had opted for a hands-off approach. Leo wished the hands-off policy had a no-weird-looks-or-exclusive-conversations addendum, because it was driving him insane.

Not, he conceded, that his middle brothers were being more frustrating than Mikey. The littlest turtle still held the World's Record for baffling behavior. He had almost completely metamorphosed into a mini-Leo over the last month. Training constantly, silent and stoic demeanor, precision in every move - no wonder everyone acted like Leo was dull and predictable. He _was_. It was a very disconcerting realization.

Finally, Leo had enough. Mikey was methodically picking his way through his lasagna, Splinter was sipping his tea as though nothing odd was going on, and Donnie and Raph exchanged yet another knowing Look.

Sighing explosively, Leo stood up, slammed his hands onto the table, and let loose.

"Okay, this ends _now_. I don't know what the hell is going on with everyone, but it's starting to give me panic attacks. Donnie, Raph, if I see one more little _Look_ between the two of you, I'm going to remove your eyeballs and nail them to the wall! Sensei, I know you know something I don't, and if you don't want to share, that's fine, but could you stop smirking all the time? No disrespect," he added in a very disrespectful tone, "but it's making me twitchy. And Mike…"

The turtle in question gazed up at him calmly.

Leo paused. The other three occupants of the room were staring at the two of them, startled and - damn it all to _hell_, Leo thought - amused. They all seemed to be teetering on the edge of something, and for a moment, Leo was tempted to just push them all off and see where they landed.

He groaned, sitting down and letting his head fall to the table with a muffled thump.

As everyone let out an exasperated sigh and returned to their supper, Leo felt like curling into a ball and crying.

He really was a coward.

:::

"Maybe you should try talking to Mikey," Donnie suggested as though it was the most obvious idea in the world.

And, Leo knew, it was. Talking to Mikey was what he should have done in the first place, back when all the weirdness started. Maybe if he had, the situation wouldn't have spun so thoroughly out of control. There was just one small problem with that, though.

Leo was afraid.

He wasn't sure why, but every time he tried to speak to his youngest brother, Mikey would look up at him expectantly, and Leo just couldn't. There was something in that expression that warned Leo off. Something dark and very, very serious. It was a look that said that Mikey could travel any number of paths, and far too many of them ended with this strangeness being permanent.

That was _not_ an option.

He explained this to Donnie, who just stared at him with concern and sadness.

"Unfortunately, Leo," he said softly, "if you don't talk to him, that's definitely going to be his fate. You have to make it stop _now_."

Which was easier said than done.

Now he was trying to meditate, and once again, he simply spent two hours feeling his tail fall asleep. Leo's mind was preoccupied with trying to figure out how to talk to his baby brother. He was the leader, for the love of God! He shouldn't be sitting here in the corner, cowering and shying away from his duty!

And it was his duty, he realized. This wasn't simply about Leo being afraid of change. It was about losing something important to him. Mikey was killing himself. The horrifying epiphany would have knocked him over if he hadn't already been sitting, but it was true. Maybe not physically, but Mikey had been spending the last six weeks systematically killing parts of himself, that parts that made him so wonderfully _Mikey_. And Leo knew, with unwavering certainty, that if something wasn't done soon, Mikey would be dead.

Now he just had to figure out what to do about it.

:::

Author's Note -

I've finally updated! *confetti and streamers fall from the sky* Huzzah!

Well, it's just getting worse for poor Leo and darling Mikey, isn't it? I'm such a terrible person. =D

Hopefully, it won't be as long between updates as it was between the first chapter and this one. Keep your fingers crossed, and keep the love comin'!

Peace.

Akiko =D


	3. Heart Turns To Stone

!-DIV {margin:0px;}-

Brotherly Love: Try

:::

Chapter Three: Heart Turns To Stone

:::

By: Akiko, Keeper of Sheep

::::::::::

This was it. There was no backing out now, not when his brother's life hung in the balance.

Leo stood outside Mikey's bedroom door, balanced slightly on the balls of his feet as though preparing to retreat with alacrity as soon as the door opened. He chided himself - there would be no more running, no more hiding, and no more avoiding. Mikey needed help, damn it, and Leo was going to provide.

It was what he did, after all.

Knocking on the door so lightly it was nearly inaudible, Leo struggled not to giggle hysterically as the image of so many movie and television shows came into his head. How would that go?

_Leo knocked once, nearly silently, and whirled around to stride away. "No one's home!"_

_Three figures leaped out from inside the broom closet and tackled him to the ground._

"_Yer gonna go talk to him, Leo," Raph growled as he, Donnie, and Master Splinter hauled him up and dragged him, kicking and screaming, back towards Mikey's bedroom._

Blinking the image away, Leo frowned. He had to talk to Donnie about letting up on the Scrubs marathons.

Leo knocked again, firmer this time. He knew Mikey had to have heard the first round, and even if he hadn't, he knew Leo was there - you don't get to be a ninja by not knowing when someone was lurking outside your private sanctuary. After a few moments of silence from behind the door, Leo huffed to himself.

"Mikey, I know you're in there, and I'm not going to give up and leave, so you might as well open the door and let me in."

More silence.

"Damn it, Mikey, I don't want to shout at you through the door, but if you don't open up, that's what I'm going to do."

Still nothing. Leo growled in a very Raph-ish manner. He could sense his brothers' presence. He knew the younger turtle was there, just like he knew Donnie was in the living room and Raph was in the kitchen. It had nothing to do with their usual routines and everything to do with the fact that it was Leo's responsibility to know where his brothers were. He'd trained himself from a very young age to feel his brothers' auras, and right now, Mikey's was behind this door.

"Fine, Michaelangelo. You want to sulk in there like a three-year-old, that's just fine. I had come up here to talk to you about what's going on with you. I was going to say that I felt it was my fault somehow, and I was determined to apologize and find out how to help you be…well…_you_ again. But now I think I'm just going to leave you to sulk there until you grow up a little and stop hiding all the time. You want to be a coward and avoid this? Fine. You can stay up here for all I care!"

Stomping down the catwalk to his own room, Leo could feel the resentment and incredulity radiating off the other three members of his family.

He didn't care. Really.

:::

Shia LaBeouf. Cucumber sandwiches. Flavors or scents with the word 'French' in the name. People who got in checkout lines while on their cell phones and wouldn't stop talking while being helped. Printer paper with holes in the top. State Farm commercials.

Leo disliked a lot of things. His list of 'Definitely Not My Favorite Thing In The World' was actually fairly long. It might have surprised some people, especially because he didn't get irritable when thinking about/confronted with these things, like _some_ people. CoughRaphcough.

It might have surprised people even more to know that things like skipping training and goofing off on patrol were nowhere near the top of his list.

It would never surprise anyone to know that his number one least favorite thing was feeling the sharp edge of his father's disappointment.

"Leonardo, I know that it is hard for you to be the one upon whom all responsibility seems to fall. Know only that I do not give such responsibility to those who can not bear it."

"Yes, Sensei," Leonardo whispered, unable to look Master Splinter in the eye. He never could during these talks, mostly because he was afraid that if Splinter could see the shame and mind-numbing terror in his eyes, the elderly rat would declare him hopeless and cast him out of the family. A stupid thought, perhaps, but Leo was a paranoid individual on a normal day. On a day when he failed at something, he was downright paralyzed by his own ineptitude.

Splinter sighed, and if he peeked upward just a bit, he could see the rat bowing his head in thought. For a moment, there was only the faintest crackling sound given off by flickering candles.

"Do you know why I chose you to lead your brothers, Leonardo?"

The blue-clad turtle's head jerked up automatically. "I…I don't…n-no. I mean, wasn't it because I'm…oldest?"

"Age does not make one a competent leader, my son," Splinter explained, and Leo felt rather than heard his exasperation.

Yeah, he could really be an idiot sometimes.

"A true leader is not only strong and brave, as Raphael is. Nor is he merely intelligent and peaceful at heart, as Donatello is. Nor is he compassionate and charismatic, as Michaelangelo is."

Was, Leo thought bitterly. Just another failure to add to his list.

"A true leader is all of these things, Leonardo, but can never see these qualities within himself. A leader must always live in fear, fear for the lives of others, fear of failure. A leader is one who stands behind his followers in times of recognition and before his soldiers in times of strife."

And none of that describes me, was all Leo could think to reply with. He wisely kept his mouth shut for the moment. As though sensing his self-deprecation, Splinter stood and rounded his table to kneel in front of Leo. His warm paw seemed to instill strength in his eldest son when he rested it on Leo's shoulder.

"You are all of that and more, Leonardo. That you can't see that only reinforces my belief that I made the correct decision. I only hope that you can find the confidence in yourself to put some of your unnecessary fears to rest." Here Splinter smiled. "I know you worry for your brother, but please believe that Michaelangelo will be fine, so long as you find within yourself those qualities that I saw, so many years ago, when I gave you such a great responsibility."

Leo bowed his head. He knew Splinter meant well, and he knew that somewhere in there was the answer to his problem, but all he got out of that was that Splinter was apparently thinking of a different Leonardo.

He was never going to figure this out.

:::

It was like someone had rubbed his skin with sandpaper. Every little thing irritated and frustrated him, until he was stomping around and snapping at people like Raph.

Mikey, thought Leo, was not the only turtle here who could do an accurate impression of one of his brothers. In fact, Leo might even say his own impression of the hot-tempered teen was better than Mikey's imitation of Leo - the eldest of the turtles had the unique advantage of having been very much like Raph when they were younger. Passionate, dedicated, stubborn, aggressive. Then Leo was the leader and Raph was angry. Leo really missed those earlier days.

Speaking of Raph, the bastard, he and Donnie were huddled together on the couch. Raph was sprawled out like usual, Donnie curled up against him churring softly. Before this whole mess, Leo would have had to endure that warm-and-fuzzy feeling at the sight. Now it made him want to upend the couch. It was bad enough that Donnie was acting like a giggly teen girl when Raph was around, but did the red-banded turtle need to gaze down at his younger lover so...so...besottedly?

It wasn't cute, it was creepy, Leo decided. Something had to be done about it.

"Could you two knock of the sappy shit for one day," he grumbled, kicking the occupied piece of furniture as he stormed past. He ignored the throbbing in his foot as a result, as well as the low rumble of Raph growling at him and Donnie's aggrieved sigh.

"Y'know, Leo, we get that you and Mikey are having your little spat and now you're pouting like a five-year-old, but don't take it out on us," Donnie intoned with the air of someone who was far beyond annoyed. "Just because you're unhappy doesn't mean we have to be; there's no need to be jealous."

With a snarl that would have impressed a sabertooth tiger, Leo whirled on the disgustingly in love couple.

"It occurs to me, _Donatello_, that if everyone had stopped being so cryptic and mysterious and...and...and freaking _smug_, I wouldn't have a reason to be unhappy!" Pacing behind the couch, he disregarded the rolled eyes and sighs from his brothers and continued to rant. "You all know something about Mikey that I don't, and whatever it is is hurting him, and no one will tell me what's wrong! How the hell am I supposed to fix this," he shouted, turning to face them and waving his arms (a bit crazily, but at this point, he really didn't care).

Levering himself up to kneel on the cushion, Donnie crossed his arms on the back of the couch and pinned Leo with an impressively impassive gaze.

"I already told you how to fix this, Leo. You can't blame me if you're too wrapped up in your ridiculous pity-party to notice. For someone so concerned about everyone else," he added as he wriggled back down against Raph's plastron like a cat curling up for a nap, "you're being pretty self-centered."

"You told me to talk to him," Leo reminded him. "He won't even look at me, much less talk to me."

"You're an idiot, Leo," Raph countered. Not quite a non-sequiter, it was still random enough to bewilder Leo for a moment.

Confused, angry, and with a deep well of fear simmering just below the surface, Leo retreated to the dojo. It was time to come up with Plan B. If the youngest turtle wouldn't talk to him, well...he would just have to make him.

:::

Centering himself had always been easy before the Mikey Situation. Years of practice had enabled him to slip into that warm nothing in the blink of an eye. It was one of Leo's favorite places to be - free of emotion and illogical though processes, he was able to focus on problems and contemplate solutions without bias.

Now, as he let himself slide into the space where shades of gray didn't exist, he could feel the world around him sharpening. When he was younger, Leo had tried to explain the feeling to Mikey. The little turtle (he'd been...five? six? So young, and even more hyperactive than he was now) had been struggling with meditation and finding his center, and had come to Leo as he always had and always would.

Until now, Leo thought, feeling the clinical lines of his space slipping away. Sighing, he let that thought float by, taking the accompanying emotions with it. Now was not the time for feeling.

Little Michaelangelo, in a fit of insight that had never surprised Leo, had likened his center to a line drawing or blueprint. Reality was cell-shading, he had explained, with soft tones and shadows and tints. When Leo was centered, everything but the lineart bled out, until only the clear, sharp lines of basic black and white remained.

Six-year-old Leo had looked up the terms cell-shading, tints, and lineart before agreeing that it was very much like that, and Mikey had mastered finding his center shortly thereafter.

Now he let all the color and shading fade away, until only the stark contrast of what was There and what was Not There remained. As everything was thrown into startling focus, Leo slid into his kata.

The fluid motions that he'd known for years came automatically, a soothing repetition ingrained in his muscle memory that served to further focus his mind. Now, at last, he could think. He would approach the issue like any other problem - first, he had to define the problem.

Mikey was acting oddly.

He let this thought drift about gently, not grasping it as certainty, but allowing his mind to circle it, examine it, consider it carefully before he accepted it as Truth. Was it? Was this the core issue, or was it something else, something that seemed to be on the periphery but was actually the root of everything?

Prodding at the thought, he observed it contemplatively. There were no issues that he could see that might be the source of it, so for the time being, he could only assume that this was the problem.

Fixing the thought in place in the center of his mind, Leo began to pull the threads of the past month-and-a-half together. Methodically, carefully, he plucked each stray thought and examined it carefully.

Mikey had been acting oddly since the night on the rooftop when he'd likened spending time with Leo to 'hanging out with a brick wall'.

Leo had been hurt by this.

Mikey had only acted oddly around Leo at first.

Mikey had stopped talking.

Mikey had only stopped talking to Leo at first.

Leo had become frustrated with Mikey.

Splinter knew what was going on.

Donnie knew what was going on, but he'd only figured it out after Leo explained the problem.

Raph knew what was going on, but he'd only figured it out after Leo explained the problem.

One by one, Leo tugged the stray thoughts towards the problem, tying them loosely to it before moving on; not disregarding or ignoring any of it, but not letting himself focus on any one thought more than the rest. As he did so, more and more thoughts surfaced.

Mikey was acting the way everyone said Leo acted, but it wasn't.

Mikey was expecting something from him.

Leo was confused by Mikey's behavior.

Leo was angry at Donnie and Raph because they were happy when he was not.

Leo was jealous of Donnie and Raph, because they were happy when he was not.

Leo did not like Mikey changing.

Leo wanted to talk to Mikey about it.

Leo was unable to talk to Mikey because he was afraid.

Here Leo paused in his thought-gathering. Unbeknownst to him, he paused in his kata as well, coming to stand completely still in the center of the dojo.

He was afraid. This was not a new thought. It surfaced with every problem Leo faced. He was always afraid - it would be crazy not to be with the lives of his family constantly in the balance. So why did it feel so important now?

Turning his thoughts briefly back to the issue, Leo observed something interesting, but not entirely unexpected.

Mikey's odd behavior was not the core problem. Leo was.

Whatever had driven Mikey to behave oddly, it had to do with Leo.

Now, instead of being the problem, Mikey's strangeness was another thread, tied loosely to the true issue.

Leo.

Mikey had begun acting oddly because of Leo - because of something Leo had said or done on the rooftop that night.

Mikey retreated further into the strangeness every time Leo expressed frustration or anger towards him.

Mikey was expecting something different from Leo - happiness?

Mikey was behaving oddly to please Leo.

Mikey thought Leo wanted this.

Why?

Why?

Why?

Anger and incredulity welled up inside Leo, forcing the cool logic of his contemplations away as color and sound and life rushed in. He was shocked, yes, because how could Mikey not see that his change in behavior was _scaring_ Leo?

And there it was again. Leo was afraid. But why? What had him so immobilized with fear that he couldn't even think straight?

Shaking his head roughly, Leo squared his shoulders. He could figure himself out later. Right now, he needed to set Mikey straight, and put an end to this. He had no clue how to do this, no plan, not even a starting point.

Maybe, he thought as he padded out of the dojo and towards the door of the lair, it was time he took a page out of Mikey's book. As Leo picked his way quickly through the sewers, he could feel his little brother close behind, following him with practiced ease.

Yep. He was winging it.

::::::::::

A/N -

ZOMGWTFBBQSAUCEONASTICK! An update! Who knew?

After reading the reviews from all my wonderful readers, I was inspired to give this chapter a go. It's been sitting half-finished on my desktop for months, but I just couldn't seem to muster the will to actually _do_ anything with it.

Anyway, this chapter is considerably longer than the first two, simply because there was a lot I wanted to get out in each section. The little mini-plots for each section of each chapter are always loosely planned in my head, but this time around, there were a lot of little details that needed to be included.

About the last scene...hrm...I do meditate often, usually when I have writer's block or if I can't sleep, and the method I use is similar to Leo's thought process. Maybe it's not true meditation, but it works for me. =) I have no idea how martial artists center their minds and auras (or even if they do), so I just wrote what I know. Hey, whaddaya know, my English teachers were right!

I can make no promises about when the next (and final) chapter will be out, but hopefully it'll be soon! Stick with me, please - this next one is a doozy!

Thank-you to everyone who reviewed; you made this chapter possible.

Peace.

Akiko =D


	4. You're All I Am

Brotherly Love: Try

:::

Chapter Four: You're All I Am

:::

By: Akiko, Keeper of Sheep

::::::::::

It didn't take long for Leo to lose the last of his patience. He tried counting backwards from one hundred, but he only managed to make it to ninety-two before he snapped, and wouldn't you know it? It was because of Mikey.

Leo had deliberately ignored his younger brother until they'd reached their usual rooftop, knowing that in his current state of frustration and confusion, he'd only turn on Mikey. That was not acceptable, not only because it wouldn't help him get Mikey to open up in the least, but also because Leo was not supposed to kick his brothers in the face.

Even if they did deserve it sometimes. CoughRaphcough.

Unfortunately, his resolve only lasted until he came to stand at the edge of the roof, and he saw Mikey standing beside him in his peripheral vision. With his arms crossed like Leo. And his feet planted like Leo. And his chin tilted like Leo. Radiating an aura of deep irritation. Like Leo.

If you had asked him only a month ago where he thought the phrase 'I just snapped' came from, Leo wouldn't have really been able to answer. Now, though, he knew exactly what it meant. He could almost feel the fragile thread tethering reason to him draw taut, fray, and finally give way with a...well...with a _snap_.

"Okay, Mikey, you win," he growled, whirling around and throwing his hands skyward. "I have no idea what you win, or what game we're playing, or why we're playing it, but I give up! I don't know what to do anymore! I know that whatever's going on is because of me, or because of something I said, and I'm sorry, okay? I'm very, very, _very_ sorry if I hurt your feelings or insulted you or pissed you off, but if you don't stop it _right now_, I will not be held responsible for kicking your utterly _irritating_ ass off this roof!"

By the time he was finished, he knew he'd just screwed up. Again. Which made it, what, the billionth time he'd made an even bigger mess of something? The only plus side to the devestatingly wounded look Mikey was giving him was that it was _something_. It had been so long since he'd seen any kind of expression on Mikey's face that he was almost glad to see it, even if it did resemble the look a starving puppy gave you when you scarfed the last sausage and booted it into the gutter for good measure.

And Mikey was running over the rooftops before Leo could even form an apology, bounding away as though Satan himself was on his heels.

Well, Leo was no root of all evil, but he'd be damned if he'd let Mikey get away from him again.

:::

"BANZAI!"

If Mikey had been surprised by Leo's recent outbursts, bad temper, and inability to concentrate on training, he must have been stunned out of his shell by his usually-composed, sensible, normal brother flying-tackling him to the gritty rooftop with a wild whoop.

That's what you get, Leo thought with grim satisfaction, for drilling holes in my Sanity Bucket, Michaelangelo. Mwahahahaha. Haha.

But there would be time for maniacal laughter later, hopefully from Mikey, as per usual, because Leo didn't think he could really pull it off. Shaking off thoughts of getting the youngest turtle to teach him how to cackle, Leo sat up, straddling Mikey's plastron and crossing his arms in his best 'I'm-the-leader-and-I'm-going-to-give-you-Stern-Face-until-you-comply-with-my-wishes' pose. It seemed to be working, because instead of gazing back impassively, as had been his wont for far too long, Mikey's face crumpled.

"You _idiot_!"

Yet again, Leo was tempted to celebrate the first words Mikey had said to him in over a month. If only they weren't so insulting, not to mention confusing.

"Excuse me? _I'm_ the idiot?" Leo's brows shot upward, and he poked Mikey on the chest with one finger. "I'm not the one acting like his brain was abducted by aliens from the Planet Twinkie, Michaelangelo. I'm not the one abandoning every past-time and passion he has in favor of acting thusly. I'm not the one driving his older brother, who he should _know_ isn't all that stable to begin with, absolutely fucking _insane_ with his weird behavior! So maybe I should be calling you an idiot!"

"Sure, add that to your growing list of glowing compliments, _bro_," Mikey bit off bitterly, his 'starving-kicked-puppy' expression returning with a vengeance.

Leo groaned in frustration, slumping over until his head slammed into Mikey's chest with a thump. "Stop that. Please. Just stop it. I don't understand, Mikey. I know you're trying to say something, or do something, or make some kind of point, but whatever it is, I just don't get it. So could you please, please, just tell me what it is you're after in a nice, blunt, un-misunderstandable way so we can go home and be normal again?"

"I'm trying," Mikey replied, the waver in his voice telling Leo that he shouldn't look up, because if he did, he'd have to witness tears, and he really, really didn't think he could handle tears.

Unfortunately, the protector in him wouldn't let him avoid his duty, and he sat back up and looked down at Mikey. True to his prediction, the blue eyes that usually shone with joy were now glittering with tears. There was so much in his expression that Leo could identify with - confusion, anger, desperation, failure.

"Trying to do what," the swordsturtle asked wearily. If he got one more answer that wasn't really an answer...

"Trying to make you happy," Mikey ground out, and either he could read Leo's mind, or he was just as fed up as the older turtle, because everything started spilling out just as Mikey's tears spilled down his cheeks. "I kept thinking that if I changed, you'd open up to me more, but you never do! You never talk to me about anything, Leo! And I don't mean the stupid stuff I always babble about, I mean real stuff! You never talk about how you feel about anything, and it's just not fair! I tell you everything, and you just take and take and never give me anything back!"

With a mighty shove, Mikey reversed their position, slamming his palms flat against Leo's plastron to prevent him from moving. Not that he could, such was his complete and utter shock.

"So I waited and waited, and you still didn't open up! So I thought maybe you just don't like me enough to talk to me, so I thought maybe if I stopped acting like such an immature dope...but then you _still_ weren't talking to me, and you were getting angry at me, and you were _yelling_ at me, and I didn't know what to do, and I was scared, because I thought I really messed everything up, and I really _have_ messed everything up because now I'm just confused and sad and so angry I could _punch_ you, and you're trying to tackle me off the roof and being weird and kinda Raph-ish and...and...I _hate you_," he finished with a hiss, springing back up and looking very much like he was restraining himself from kicking Leo quite hard.

Then he was gone again, and Leo was so stunned it took him far too long to notice. By the time he'd scrambled up and collected himself enough to scan the area for Mikey, the orange-clad turtle had vanished.

:::

Luckily, Mikey had gone back to the Lair, saving Leo the agony of wondering about what kinds of awful things might happen to him out in the city. But the usually-upbeat turtle had simply retreated to his room after The Rooftop Incident, leaving Leo to weather the exaspirated expressions of the rest of the family on his own. Honestly, did they think he wasn't trying? He was trying! He was practically losing his mind!

Actually, he amended as he folded the wings of a paper crane downward and set the miniature sculpture down amongst its brethren, he was definitely losing his mind, if he hadn't lost it already.

Picking up a square of blue paper covered in a silvery spangled pattern, he started the origami process again and hummed to himself. It had been years since he'd bothered with paper-folding, having focused most of his thoughts on improving his ninjutsu at an early age. Still, it was a relaxing way to spend a few hours, required little thought, and it was productive. He'd already amassed a collection of at least thirty cranes.

Placing the thirty-first carefully beside its sibling, Leo let his mind drift. As he anticipated, it drifted back to The Rooftop Incident.

Mikey had been trying to make him happy. Leo pressed his lips together in distaste. He knew Michaelangelo was smarter than that. He couldn't possibly think systematically shutting down his entire personality would make anyone happy. Still, Leo knew very well the sort of uncharacteristic things one got up to when backed into a corner.

Why had he felt backed into a corner? Sighing, Leo set down the fortieth crane and rubbed his forehead. It was times like this he wished he wasn't afraid Raph might beat him to death with a frying pan if he ventured out of his room, because he could really use the space to perform his kata and clear his thoughts.

_'I hate you...'_

Pain, as bad as it had been when he'd first heard Mikey utter those words, stabbed at his chest, stealing his breath. Raph had never said that, not even at his angriest. He'd called Leo every foul name in the book, pushed every button, butted his head against every defense, but that one...not even Raph would poke at that weakness. The whole family knew how much they meant to Leo - none of them would ever be so cruel as to try to break him like that.

_'I hate you...'_

It wasn't true, Leo told himself, resuming his crane-making exercizes with shaking hands. Mikey didn't hate anyone, not even the people who routinely tried to kill his brothers. He just wasn't _built_ to hate, and he never would be. Leo wouldn't, couldn't believe that he would ever be so far gone that he'd allow something that horrible to fester inside.

That being said, Mikey might simply _think_ he hated Leo. He'd never really felt it before, so how would he know? As angry and afraid as he was, he could simply believe he hated Leo. Unsurprisingly, that wasn't much of a comfort.

Sixty-seven cranes, and he still didn't know what to do. How was he supposed to fix this? How was he supposed to make Mikey understand that he wasn't trying to be a closed-off, insensitive asshole? That it wasn't that he didn't want to talk to Mikey, it was that he cared too much about him to expose him to the sort of depressing, dark, black-hole thoughts he usually had?

It wasn't until he'd reached two hundred eighty-four cranes that Leo had a spark of an idea.

:::

It wasn't until well into the next night that it happened.

Someone outside, Leo's ever-aware instincts warned him as he jolted out of sleep. Friendly, safe, brighthappypure. Mikey.

Sitting up slowly, Leo squinted at the door, waiting breathlessly. Then, tentatively, Mikey knocked.

"Come in."

Shuffling into the dark room, the smaller turtle eased the door closed quietly. Even in the gloom, Leo's trained eyes could see a small, crumpled piece of paper in his brother's hand.

As Mikey got closer, he realized it was a slightly-misshapen paper turtle, folded (several times, by the look of it) out of neon orange paper. He blinked when Mikey almost hit him in the face with it as he held it out.

"It's not pretty like yours were," he whispered, the turtle wobbling as his hand trembled, "but I thought you'd like it."

Leo grinned. "Thanks. I do." Plucking the paper decoration from Mikey, he set it gently on his bedside table, folding his legs underneath himself. "I take it you like the present?"

"Yeah. Except now I can't even get to my bed."

"Ah. Sorry about that," Leo said with a sheepish smile. "I guess I never really thought about how much space a thousand cranes take up."

Blinking at him in astonishment, Mikey clambered up next to Leo to sit cross-legged on the bed. "There's a thousand of them?"

"That's how the story goes," Leo explained, tilting his head. "If you fold one thousand paper cranes, the gods reward your diligence by granting you a wish."

"Oh." There was a moment of awkward silence wherein Leo stared at the orange oragami turtle and Mikey plucked at Leo's blanket self-consciously. "So...what did you wish for?"

Leo shook his head, still looking at the turtle. "I gave them to you, so it's your wish."

More silence.

"So...if I wished that I was the one you love best, would that come true?"

It was Leo's turn to be surprised. Was that really what this whole mess had been about? Could that honestly be what had Mikey so distraught he'd torn himself up about it to the point where his brothers didn't even recognize him? Was it really that simple? Then again...maybe it was simple to him, but that didn't mean it was clear-cut to Mikey. Letting his gaze rest on the turtle (who was actually twiddling his thumbs, and looked far too adorable doing so), he pondered his response carefully. He'd been far too careless with his words lately, and this might be the most important decision he ever made in his life.

But, then, since when did he need to decide?

"Mikey, you've always been the one I love best."

"Y-...wh-what?" Wide blue eyes stared back at him, vividly electric in the gloom.

Rolling his eyes, Leo scooted back under the covers and curled up on his side facing Mikey. "You could have just asked, you know. It would have saved me a lot of paper cuts."

He shut his eyes, pretending to fall asleep, listening with no little satisfaction to Mikey's indignant huff. He didn't start when he felt the covers being tugged back and the smaller turtle snuggling up against him, but Mikey was apparently still unsure, because he mumbled something snide about his bed being full of birds.

Snorting, Leo threw his arm over Mikey and wriggled until his face was perssed against Mikey's neck. "Don't be silly. Like I'd let you go now, anyway."

:::

END

::::::::::

A/N - Holy...is it done? Really? Truly?

Yes! It is! *Happy Smeagol Mambo* Brotherly Love: Try is now finished! Complete! Finito! The End! And they lived happily ever after, a whole year and three months after their journey began!

Ahem. Anyway, not necessarily the last installment in the Brotherly Love series, but certainly the end of this installment. I hope it wasn't too terrible. You would all tell me if it was, right? Right? Anyone? Hello?

Well, there may or may not be more of Instant Karma! on the way - I'm still working on the next chapter, and there was an idea about llamas that spawned a while ago (don't ask, it wasn't pretty), so who knows? Sadly for , though not-so-sadly for me, I've started working on my novel again, and it's actualy going somewhere for a change, so I'm probably going to be focusing on that for a while. In the meantime, I have posted the prologue to a Pirate of the Caribbean story I'll be working on (probably about as frequently as this was updated), and there are several other stories in my profile to peruse. You know you want to! =3

I love, love, love everyone who reviewed this fic. I know it's been a long road (especially just for four chapters!), and I hope it was worth it for you. I can't thank you all enough for your encouragement! I only hope I continue to write things that please you.

That being said, please put any concrit, thoughts, or suggestions in your review, because it makes my sad little world go 'round. =) Let me know how I can improve.

Thanks again for being so wonderful!

Peace.

Akiko


End file.
